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Saturday, December 11, 2010

Caller ID

OK.  No more restaurant stories for a bit...

I love technology.

But sometimes, it's annoying.  Especially Caller ID.

Caller ID annoys me to no end.

I long for the days that when you called someone and if they weren't home, that was all there was to it. Complete anonymity.

Now, every asshole knows when you call them; and worse, has your number.

Case in point:

A few weeks ago I'm buying some useless shit on Craigslist.  I make about 20 assorted calls, and for the most part no one is around to take my calls.  I don't ever leave a message because, hey, it's Craigslist.

No problem.  It's a busy time of year and everyone has stuff to do.

But later in the day after making these calls, my phone rings.  I don't recognize the number and go through the regular "who the fuck is this" in my head when I look at the phone caller ID.

I decide to pick up.

ME:     Hello?

CALLER:  Hi.  Who's this?

ME:   Well, who's this?

CALLER:  Someone called me from this number.

ME:  So?

CALLER:  So, who is this?

ME:  It's no one in particular.

CALLER:  Well, who are you?

ME:  Well, who are YOU?

CALLER:  Is this a business?  Or a home number?

ME:  Why?

CALLER:  Well, someone called me from this number and I'm returning the call.

ME:  Well, what do you want?  And who are you? And why are you calling me?

CALLER:  Hey, don't be an asshole.  You called me first.

ME:   You sure?  I mean lots of people could have called you from this number.

CALLER:  What is this number??

ME:  The White House. In Washington, D.C.

CALLER:  C'mon.  Who is this?

ME:  Barack Obama.  Have a nice day.

I hang up.

Now this guy is going fucking nuts trying to figure out who is at this number.  But, who gives a shit?  And why does he care? Why is this so important??  If no one leaves a message after they call you, it can't be that important in the first place, so let it go.

After an hour, because I am annoyed, I decide to torture this guy.  I call him back.

ME:  Hi. Who is this?

HIM:  Um...who is this?

ME:  Someone called me from this number.

HIM:  Um...aaah.....

ME:  See?  Now you know how fucking stupid it is to have someone call you up and ask a question like that.

HIM:  WHO ARE YOU??

ME:  I already told you.  Barack Obama.  Have a nice day.

I hang up.

So, when someone calls you, doesn't leave a message, and you don't recognize the number, don't be a douchebag and call them back and ask annoying questions.

Unless you wanna look and feel like an idiot.

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