Tuesday, December 7, 2010

More Restaurant Bullshit

I go to another restaurant at the "famous" Eldorado Hotel.

Twice a year, I try this place to see if anything has improved.  Usually, I am disappointed.  I get sucked in by people telling me, "try it, they have a new chef" or "the new menu is really good".  I wanna believe, but rare is the occasion when they deliver.  But we try it anyway.

We sit down and order $28 and $38 entrees. Me lamb, her tuna.

The server fancies himself a guy who was transferred from the Plaza Hotel in New York especially for this vocation.

He is ok, but not what you would expect in a place that charges like they do.

The food arrives.

Mine is actually not bad, but certainly not worthy of $38,  For that, I wanna be blown away; I wanna pound the table and say, "That was the best fucking lamb I've ever tasted" and piss in my pants with sheer culinary pleasure.

She says to me, "taste this tuna".   I take a bit of the "seared" tuna that was obviously done in a microwave.  I mean, Charlie the Tuna would have been embarrassed.  It's way overdone, tasteless and downright horrible.

The server comes by to check on us with the obligatory "how's everything?"  I tell him the tuna is awful, not acceptable.

So, a funny look comes over his face.  Almost like he's high on acid or something.

"Oh, thats too bad" he says.

"Well, take it back" I tell him.

HIM:  Um, ok.  Do you want to order anything else?

ME:  No, she can have some of mine as we would like to eat together.

He Shrugs.

HIM:  Well, what are you going to do?

ME:   I'll tell you what, first tell the White Spot re-tread who cooked this, that he should be embarrassed to even send this out. Then tell your manager.

He still has this glazed look and loopy smile on his face.

HIM:  Uh, ok.  What can you do?

ME:   What can you do?  You work here.  Let these people know whats going on.

He doesn't say "let me take that off the bill", or "let me buy you a dessert", nothing.  I don't bring it up because I want to see if we get charged.

The bill comes and the tuna is on the bill.

So, I sign the bill, leave $0 on the tip line in bold printing and we go to the lounge right next door to the restaurant.

Ok - so although I'm annoyed at all this I feel a bit of retribution stiffing this asshole.

Cut to 15 minutes later:

The server is walking through the lounge and spots me. He walks over.

"Hey, did you guys leave a cash tip on the table, because if you did, I think the busboy or someone picked it up"

ME:  Are you fucking kidding me?

HIM:  Well you didn't leave a tip, and I KNOW you didn't want to do that, so I thought you might have left some cash on the table and someone else picked it up. Just checking.

ME:  Hey, Pal you have balls the size of grapefruits walking in here and even LOOKING at me, much less talking to me.  You shouldn't even be serving at a Denny's.   Think about your table with us tonight and you'll figure it out why you got nothing.

Suddenly, the dopey look is gone.  He's been called out.  He kind of gets it, but I'm not sure.  It annoys me to no end that servers expect an automatic tip for doing a shitty job.

I am blown away by all of this, and pop down a double shot to make sure I'm not dreaming.

I have not been back to eat there since, despite all the "they have turned it around" and "there's a new chef" bullshit I am handed every summer.

I am too fucking annoyed to even consider these assholes.

Fuck them forever.

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