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Tuesday, December 7, 2010

"Seasonal Vegetables"

Fucking restaurants are the main source of things that annoy me.

They opened up a restaurant last summer called the Cabana Grill.  We decide to go in July.

It's a nice joint inside, and very stylishly decorated. Lots of beautiful people showing off their "Ross for Less" outfits.

The prices they charge at this place are not similar to Denny's or IHOP.  In fact, I venture to say they are high end.  One of the pricier places in town.  Accordingly, you expect the service, and the servers to be top notch.

Nope.

So this first time we go we have a cheery server, who is almost like a giggling schoolgirl. She's about 25 and clearly just excited to have a job where filing is not involved.  She's doing ok until we get ready to order.  She rattles off the special; "oh, and tonight we have a pork tenderloin in a red wine sauce, served with seasonal vegetables"

Nice job on the memorization, Toots - you only looked at your notes once to remember this one sentence.

I decide to be funny, and with a serious face say to her, "what season are the vegetables from?"

Blank Stare.

HER:  "What?"

ME:  "I said what season are the vegetables from?"

HER:  "umm... hold on a minute and I'll go check with the Chef."

We all look at each other while she runs off, trying not to fall off out stools with convulsive laughter.

She comes back.

HER:  "the Vegetables are summer vegetables" she declares with triumph.  I thank her for the clarification and decide to order a gourmet pizza instead.  Tough to fuck that up.

OK.

So about a month later we return after having an average meal the first time, and decide to give the food another whirl.  We sit down in the same table, and I half expect we get the same server, but it's a different one,  about the same age.

She gets ready to take our order, and starts in with the "special" schtick.

HER:  "Tonight we are offering a grilled lamb chop which is also served with seasonal vegetables."

So far, so good. This server doesn't even look at her notes.

ME:  "What season are the vegetables from"

BLANK STARE - looks around nervously.

HER:  "um... I think carrots and potatoes"

ME:   "really??? Are carrots and potatoes a season now??"

Another Blank Stare, bordering on panic...

HER:  "what do you mean?"

ME:   "you said seasonal vegetables, and I am wondering what season they are from"

HER (grabbing another server walking by)  "Hey Cassie, what season are the vegetables from"

OTHER SERVER:  "uh, I'm not sure ask the kitchen"

By now we are all trying to keep it together. I am certain at least 2 of my guests are biting their lip so hard to keep from laughing, their fucking jaw is going to seize up.

I mean not one, but 2 idiots trying to determine in the middle of summer, what season the vegetables they are serving are from.

I tell her never mind, as I am going to order the sliders anyway.

So, a note to all you restauranteurs out there:  if you don't want to annoy not just me, but the rest of us, when you decide to charge $25 an entree, spend a little time with the boneheads delivering the plates to us.  TRAIN them a little more than just throwing them an apron and a nametag.

Maybe then we'll come back and not feel like our 12 year old daughter could do better serving us mac and cheese at home.

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